DISCONFIRMING COMMUNICATION

 A situation that caused me to be disconfirming of another was when I was at work. I have many co- workers that think they know how to do my job more than I do. When the fact is I work full time and do my job pretty much every day. I know what I’m doing and don’t need to be told otherwise. An example would be when I was taking a customers order. A cook came up to me and told me that I was doing it wrong. I tried to explain that I was not and I know what to do. My co- worker kept insisting I had made a mistake and started to come off as very rude. After I didn’t listen to her and blue her off she told my manager. My manager then told her she was wrong and to leave me alone. During this situation she communicated to me: Certainty, Strategy, Superiority.  The message I gave to her I think was she doesn’t matter, she was wrong and she doesn’t exist. I basically ignored her. I think three of Gibb’s defensiveness- producing communication behaviors were present in the situation.

CONFIRMING OTHERS

Yes I have felt it was difficult to confirm others when I disagree with them. I’m really stubborn so when someone disagrees with me in some way I just don’t deal with him or her. I know this is not the best way to handle disagreements. However after reading chapter eight I have found a better way to solve my disagreements with others. Yes I can distinguish between recognition, acknowledgement, and endorsement. Recognition is when you recognize the problem. Instead of just keeping the disagreement in acknowledge it to him or her. Depending on the outcome you can then either choose to accept the disagreement or resolve it. I think now I have a better understanding of confirming others and just accepting particular ideas. An example could be when you and a close friend have a discussion about what movie to go to. She insists on going to one movie but you want another. Assert your self and acknowledge how you feel. After this you could choose which movie to go to the one she wants or you by endorsing the situation. Even though this is not a difficult situation it’s a simple way to think about this concept.

COMMITMENT

The concept that caught my attention was “Commitment”. The book says commitment is a decision to stay in a relationship. When I first read this I was shocked because I thought you had to feel like you were in love and that was the commitment. But the reasoning for saying commitment is a decision because you decide to have a long-term relationship. You decide to stay committed to someone because you assume you will be together in a relationship. You could love someone but not see you with him or her in a couple of year. That is why you make a decision to not have a commitment with someone. An example I used was my present boy friend I met when I was twelve and I really liked him even when I was little I knew I would still being talking to him when I was older. We lost connection for a year but reunited when we were fifteen. I knew I would be with him in the future. So I made the decision to be in a committed relationship and we have been together since!

PERSPECTIVES ON EMOTIONS!

The book focuses on four perspectives on emotion: Orgasmic view of emotion, Perceptual view of emotions, Cognitive view of emotions, and Interactive view of emotions. Orgasmic view of emotion is when an event occurs first we respond physiologically and then after we react then we get to experience the emotion. For example when go on a roller coaster and we get the butterflies in are stomach because we are either scared or excited. This is orgasmic view because we had a stimulus, Physiological response, and then are emotion. Perceptual view is how we view a certain scenario. People don’t all see emotions the same way some could view frowning as when someone is sad, but others might think it’s a sign of anger. It’s how interpret the emotion. Cognitive labeling view of emotion is like perceptual view but it clears up how we identify the situation by how we interpret are feeling. In cognitive view we have the event, are physiological response to it, then we choose how we respond and then we have are emotion. Interactive view of emotion is split in three parts“: framing rules, feeling rules, and emotion work”(Wood. 176). Framing rules is when cultures define the different emotional situations. Not all the cultures are the same on how they act towards situations. Feeling rules is how we are suppose to react or when we feel like we have a right to respond a certain way. Emotion work is when we show emotions that we think are appropriate for the time. So interactive view is how different social groups react and how interpret things. The one that makes the most since to me is Orgasmic view because we have all gone through this at one time in are life at least. Also interactive view made since to because we all react to things different depending on how we were raised to react.

FALLACY

After looking at the fallacies the two that really stood out to me was Taking responsibility for others, and Fear of catastrophic failure. Taking responsibility for others stood out to me because I always feel like how people feel is because of me. However it is easy to blame someone else for your emotions people need take responsibility for their own feelings. I need to learn how to not feel like I am the problem by letting others deal with their own emotions. Also I chose fear of catastrophic events because I often get scared when I have to do something that could have a big effect. I let my emotions choose my actions and unable to sometime do things because how I feel about it. For example when I count the safe at my job I have a fear of doing something wrong and cause my job a lot of financial problems. However I am capable to do my job correctly I always find myself thinking what if. I need to learn to self-talk good things more when I have this fear to control my emotions. 

MONITOR YOUR SELF- TALK!

From Chapter seven the concept that caught my eye the most is “Monitor you Self- Talk. I thought this was interesting because I talk to my self a lot. Not in a weird way but more inspirational. When I have to do something that is hard and I feel like I’m to tired to do something I talk my self into things. For example right now I have a really bad cold and I’m exhausted from school and work today. I didn’t want to do homework but then I said to myself “you can do it Vanessa you might be tired and not feel good but tomorrow you will be able to relax without being stressed about school. To me I feel like I monitor my self- talk I don’t let it control me. I use self-talk to motivate me or make myself feel better. I liked this concept because I never thought of my self-talk as a way of communicating my emotions effectively.